Reasons To Get Excited About the 2009 Pirates

When you are a Pirate fan, it can be a little bit difficult to get excited about another baseball season. Especially when there has been very little in the way of off-season change and the team that will take the field on Opening Day figures to be almost identical to the squad that was the worst team in baseball from last August onward.

So instead you have to look for little things and get excited about them and focus more on things like how future key players are progressing and other minor victories. With all that in mind, and with the start of the regular season just 3 days away, I compiled 10 the reasons that I'm excited about your 2009 Pittsburgh Pirates.

The potential return from another summer firesale- Jack Wilson and Adam LaRoche are both highly likely to be wearing different colored uniforms by August 1. It will be very interesting to see how Neal Huntington handles his second trade deadline, especially now that there isn't the same absolute desperation to add any sort of decent starting arms to the upper levels of the organization that there was last season. In addition, John Grabow, Matt Capps, and any of the established veterans on the roster are trade candidates and could at least fetch an OK return.

A Bounceback Year for Ian Snell- I'm calling it right now. Snell is in for a return to the 2007 form that made him such an intriguing player. I think he turns into a very solid number 2 starter behind Paul Maholm and would be a nice complement as a power pitcher behind Maholm's crafty routine.

Throwing a bunch of Starting Pitchers at the wall and seeing what sticks- For the first time in recent times, the Pirates have a decent amountof major-league ready starting pitchers. However, probably only 2 of those players (the aformentioned Snell and Maholm) are guys that good big-league teams would want on their staff. A key for the Pirates will be having at least 1 or 2 more guys develop into at least solid starters. Of the old hands in the organization, I am not on the Zach Duke bandwagon (nor is anyone on the entire planet I might add) as he just gets hit so hard. I also think Tom Gorzelanny is probably injured or has just flat lost it and so I'm not relying on him to make any sort of an impact in the near future. I'm intrigued by Ross Ohlendorf's ability to really throw the ball hard and I want to see more from Jeff Karstens, too. If one of those guys (more likely Ohlendorf than Karstens) turns in at least a solid season it would be big. There has also been talk about Daniel McCutchen since the Nady trade, and at some point this season we figure to see him in Pittsburgh.

Andrew McCutchen's Expected Arrival in Pittsburgh- For as long as I've been a Pirate fan (about 15-16 years), I can think of very few home-grown prospects who got the knowledgeable fans as excited as Cutch. Chad Hermansen was probably a bit more highly regarded (and I just threw up in my mouth a little bit), but let's hope this highly touted prospect turns out a bit better than the Hermanator. He has to be called up at some point this season. Whether that is in mid-May or July, Cutch will be a wildly exciting player for the fans to watch when he is finally wearing the big-league uni.

The minor league progress of star prospects Jose Tabata, Pedro Alvarez, Bryan Morris and Brad Lincoln- This reason isn't for the casual fan or for the faint of heart. But for the real passionate Bucco fan it figures to be a very interesting subplot to keep an eye on these 4 studs. Most will dig only as far as the PG's little daily minor-league recap allows them to. Personally, that's not enough. I'll be checking up every day with the minor league sites, hoping Alvarez is tearing through the minor league system, hoping Tabata gives us a full season of the talent he showed last season, and hoping Lincoln and Morris deliver on their stud potential, as we could really use some stud pitching prospects in this organization.

The progress of intriguing prospects like Shelby Ford, Brian Bixler, Jim Negrych, Steve Pearce, Danny Moskos, Neil Walker, Robbie Grossman, Jamie Romak, Jordy Mercer, Chase D'Arnaud, Quinton Miller, Brian Friday, Matt Hague and Duke Welker- Again, not something for the casual fan. And that's especially so in this case. None of these guys can be considered elite prospects, but each of them has the ability to at least make the show some day, and the hope is that a few of them turn into starters at that level. As I said earlier, we especially need big-time pitching prospects in this organization, so if a Quinton Miller or Duke Welker or Danny Moskos could have a big year development-wise it would be a tremendous development for the organization.

Having fantasy baseball back- I know it certainly isn't everyone's cup of tea. But to me, fantasy baseball is without question the best fantasy sport going. It is way more intensive and way less luck is involved than in fantasy football, and it gives me an even bigger need to follow baseball all summer long even when the Pirates are 20 games out of first place. I've had all 3 of my drafts, and surprisingly ended up with 4 Pirates total on my 3 teams. That's actually more than usual, as typically Pirates go higher in at least 2 of my drafts because its mostly Pittsburgh-group of players. Doumit, McLouth, Snell (twice), and Capps are the guys I will have an extra rooting interest in.

A make-or-break year for Andy LaRoche- I know this is his first full season with the Pirates, but I really think this is Andy's only shot at cementing a place with the team. I still like Neil Walker and think he'll develop at some point, and Pedro Alvarez (though I think he'll switch to first) figures to tear through the system and be wearing the Pirates uni by mid-2010. With all that in mind, Andy needs to put up at least something in the neighborhood of a .265/.335/.460 in order to give himself a place in the Pirates' future. If he fails yet again, he'll be certainly given the dreaded "Quad A prospect" tag. Those aren't even great numbers. They're Edwin Encarnacion numbers, and that would be good enough for me.

The seasons of Nate McLouth, Paul Maholm and Ryan Doumit- All three had career years in 2008, and it will be very interesting to see how each fares in 2009. Personally, I'd guess that McLouth might regress a hair, but that Doumit will have an even better all-around season and that Maholm can be about as solid as he was last year.

The Draft- I know it's not a great reason, as there is at least a decent chance that the top pick might not play more than a handful of games in the system for the entire season, but with the Bucs sitting at number 4, I have to admit I am at least a little bit excited about adding another top-notch prospect to our system. Likely targets are probably 1B Dustin Ackley (a Scott Boras guy), RHP Aaron Crow (who held out last year and didn't sign with the Nationals), SS Grant Green, RHP Alex White and LHP Tyler Matzek. Obviously others will be in the mix by June, as well. I also am excited to see if the Pirates are able to get any other above-slot guys later on in the draft like they did last season.

Nate McLouth Signed to Extension

In a move that came out of left field (yes that would be a pun; deal with it) the Buccos signed All-Star and Gold Glove winning Center Fielder Nate McLouth to a 3 year contract extension earlier today. The full details of this extension are on the PBC Blog on the Post-Gazette website. (Quick Sidebar: Nothing, and I mean nothing can apparently stop DK from doing his job. Apparently he has a back issue that means he can't sit at all, yet he is reporting and blogging away on the PBC. The guy is good.)

Anyway this seems like a pretty low-risk deal for the Pirates. Personally, I think McLouth is headed for a bit of a regression season. That's not to say he's going to stink or anything like that or be the next Chris Duffy/Adrian Brown one-season-wonder in Center. I just don't think there is anyway he goes .276/.356/.497 again. That last number (slugging for those unaware) especially figures to come down. I just don't see him being a 26 HR guy. I think the 40+ doubles he had are a definite possibility again, but I'd expect 15-18 home runs, at an absolute ceiling for him. And if his minor league stats are any indiciation I wouldn't be surprised to see that batting average end up a bit lower and that OBP to come down, too. Still, there's nothing wrong with a .265/.340/.460 hitter so long as he isn't your top threat. (Which he is right now, by the way)

But the contract pays him a total of 3.5 million dollar total this year (thanks to a 1.5 million dollar signing bonus), 4.5 million next season, and 6.5 million and 2011. Those years are set in stone. The Bucs also have a club option for 2012 for 10.65 million dollars or they can buy him out for 1.25 million. There are also some escalator clauses in there, check the above link if you want the gritty details.

To me, this seems like a pretty solid deal for the Buccos. 3.5 mil this year and 4.5 mil next is a very good deal for a young player with upside like the 27 year old McLouth. Even if he regresses a bit these contract details are favorable even in the rough economic times right now. The 6.5 million in 2011 starts to get a bit pricey, especially if the Pirates are still struggling to get above .500. However, the way the Pirates are structuring their contracts these days, it seems pretty clear to me that they are planning on investing heavily in a contending him starting in 2011. Whether that is smart or not won't be determined for 2 more years, but its at least encouraging to see.

So all in all, this deal seems solid to me, as despite the fact that I think McLouth goes backward a bit, he's still an abover average major league outfielder, and there is always the very, very strong chance that I could be wrong about him. At 27 years old, he certainly wouldn't be the first outfielder to make another leap forward and maybe even improve upon last year's excellent numbers.

Pirates Overpay 4 Players

We actually have some Pirates news that is worth me spending a few minutes typing up! Downright shocking, right? The news is that the Bucs signed 4 of the 6 players on their roster that were set for arbitration. Adam LaRoche, John Grabow, Zach Duke, and Tyler Yates were the quartet who signed and Paul Maholm and Nate McLouth were the pair who didn't.

The elder LaRoche signed for 1 year and... 7.05 million dollars! If that seems a solid 2 million dollars too high to you... then you and I think very much alike. I know that LaRoche made 5 million dollars last year, so his salary figured to go up to the 7 million range, but what on earth did he do last season to deserve a raise of even 1 penny? He spent the first few months of the season crapping the bed yet again, and by the time he put together his inevitable second half comeback, the Pirates were already in the division cellar and were packing things in for the 2009 season. The end of season numbers are fine and he cranked out 25 home runs with an .841 OPS, but he was atrocious in the first half. I hate this mindset of a guy getting a raise just because its a new season and he wasn't completely awful for the entire season. LaRoche's deal should have given him 5-6 million or so in guaranteed cash and then should have had crazy incentives that could have propped it up to 9 million, or maybe more if they were lofty incentives (20 first half home runs, a .300 batting average, a .900 OPS, you get the idea). I just can't fathom that we live in a sports world where Adam LaRoche is the worst hitting first baseman in baseball for three straight months in 2008 and then gets a 2 million dollar raise to start the following season because he hit well when there was absolutely, positively no pressure on him. In case you couldn't tell, I'm not a LaRoche fan.

The other guys signed were Zach Duke (who became the highest paid batting practice pitcher in history with a 2 million dollar deal), John Grabow (2.3 million dollars for a lefty specialist... mehh), Tyler Yates (the most reasonable deal with just 1.3 million dollars which should be a decent contract as long as John Russell doesn't wear his arm down again).

Clearly, I'm not exactly enthused by these maneuvers, but at least its something worth talking about with the Pirates right now, which judging by my posts on this site, is a definite rarity these days.

Pirates Stove Heating Up

After a slow and incredibly boring start to their offseason that culminated with the signing of Ramon Vazquez, the Pirates look as though they are finally set to make some moves to get things jumpstarted. And that is at least a little bit encouraging for us sickened Pirates fans.

Obviously the big highlight is the contract extension signed by Ryan Doumit yesterday. The contract for Doumit is a pretty nice on in my eyes. The deal should really only be evaluated on its 3 year amount, as I've always thought its pretty foolish to base any deal on the options because its so difficult to say what the state of Doumit and the state of the Pirates will be 3 years from now. Plus, if Doumit performs like the Pirates hope, the last year will likely be irrelevant, either because the team has turned itself around and the Bucs sign him to a new extension before that sesaon, or because the team still hasn't turned around and they deal him for spare parts (God I hope not!).

The three year deal has guaranteed money of 11.5 million, which is a pretty reasonable base pay for a catcher capable of becoming one of the 2 or 3 best hitters in the bigs at his position. If Doumit were to play all 5 years here and reach max incentives (highly unlikely given some of the clauses) the deal could reach 27 million, but if he does reach max incentives, then this deal is pretty much highway robbery for the Bucs it'd be so good.

The curious, and perhaps creative, thing about this deal is that the option years are triggered or declined at the same time. I can't recall seeing this type of deal anywhere else, though it's probably been exercised somewhere. So this essentially amounts to a 3 year contract and then a 2 year contract if the Pirates want it to be. The options are for at least 7.25 and 8.25 million per season (they go up if he reaches some clauses), so that second contract would be quite lucrative for Doumit and quite expensive for the Pirates if they choose to exercise it.

Some other moves the Pirates are making or considering:

-It appears neither Paul Maholm or Nate McLouth are going to get extensions done with the Pirates. Not too surprising, and in all honesty, I'm not too upset about either case. It may not be a popular view, but I think McLouth is headed for a regression season in 2009. Don't get me wrong, I like Nate, but to pay him based on his 08 season is folly, and I want to see it again from in 2009 before I am a firm believer. Never before in his career had he really performed anywhere near the level of last season, and I was also concerned by the major drop-off in his numbers following the all-star break last season. His OPS fell by over 100 points between his great pre-break numbers and his only a little above average post-break numbers. I do think he is definitely a nice starter around which the team can certainly build, but I don't see the urgency to lock him up. The same goes for Paul Maholm. I think Maholm is also a good piece to build upon, but I don't view him as much more than a 3 starter and think he could also be headed for a regression. He rarely gets any bats to miss, which isn't what you need from a top starter if you look at things from a statistical standpoint.

-The Pirates lost out on the Daniel Cabrera sweepstakes (oh darn...) but apparently were willing to bid quite a bit of money for his services, more even than the team Cabrera ended up signing with, the Washington Nationals, who gave him an exorbitant 2.6 million dollars. Really? The Pirates were going to offer him more than 2.6 million dollars? Who the hell thought that was a good idea. Sure the guy's got some skills, but look at these numbers! What part of those statistics offers encouragement to baseball people? Why are they constantly so enamored with Cabrera? I mean, maybe, just maybe, he just needed a change of scenery and his absolutely dreadful 2008 season was just the result of that, but is is worth 2.6 million dollars to find out? Absolutely not! This guy should be coming into major league camps on a minor-league deal, at best. If teams keep throwing this kind of dough at him, where's his incentive to improve?

-It appears as though the Bucs are more than willing to head into 2009 with Jumpin' Jack playing shortstop. Not exactly a shock at this point. And truth be told, I'm not too upset about this development, as clearly any prospect return would have been pretty minimal. My question, though, is this: Why not similarly offer to trade Freddy Sanchez? I know the Pirates just gave him an extension last offseason, but it's not like he is badly overpaid. And second base, for whatever reason, has become a much more scarce position in MLB nowadays than shortstop. Granted, they'd be trading Freddy at his lowest value in a couple years, always a no-no, but at least there are several teams out there that think he can at least return to 07 form if not his award winning 06 form. In 07, he had a .785 OPS, with a respectable .343 OBP. There are several teams with holes at second base right now where Freddy would be an upgrade at those numbers: Major upgrade for the Mets, White Sox, A's, Cardinals, Blue Jays, Royals (hard to say if they'd really be interested though), and Padres (unlikely because they're rebuilding, but still), and slight upgrade for Arizona, Cleveland (only slight because Asdrubal Cabrera is much younger and still has upside), the Twins (I'm not at all sold on Alexi Casilla and I doubt they are either), the Dodgers (Blake Dewitt has a nice upside, but is coming off a solid but unspectacular rookie campaign for a team that wants to contend now), the Giants (unlikely because they are rebuilding and have some in-house prospects). That's an awful lot of teams that Neal Huntington should be spinning his web to, and, while behind the scenes he may be, it certainly isn't a widely known fact, which makes me think it probably isn't a very active front.

-Denny Bautista will be brought back on a minor-league deal, and Chris Bootcheck was similarly signed to a minor league deal. Nothing too exciting at all on either one of these fronts, and let's hope both don't have to put on the Pirates jersey at any time after March.

-The Pirates are apparently after Rocco Baldelli, which is a surprising twist that I certainly didn't see coming. I mean yeah Baldelli has a load of talent, but he's been hurt how many times over the years, and is still dealing with the bizarre disorder that is plaguing his body and has caused him to miss a ton of time. Unless this is a very low-commitment deal, I don't like what I'm hearing. With Brandon Moss on the mend and little else in the way of outfield talent besides Nate McLouth looking major league capable (sorry I'm not at all a Nyjer Morgan fan), I'd rather put our resources elsewhere (like bringing back the now lost Jason Michaels) then pinning hopes on a deal with the enigmatic Baldelli.

-Hyzdu Headquarters has a rundown of the top 10 prospects in the Pirates system according to Kyle Stark on a recent FSN piece. I was a little surprised to see Andrew McCutchen ahead of Pedro Alvarez, but suspect that's mostly just because Stark hasn't seen enough of Pedro as a pro to fully grasp his abilities. I was also a little surprised to see Neil Walker all the way up at 6 given his struggles of the last two seasons, but then again, who else would be ahead of him? Also interesting was that Stark noted the two guys on that list to watch out for in this coming season are the two McCutchens, the aforementioned Andrew and the unmentioned Daniel. I suspect Daniel will probably not make the opening day rotation but will be among the first one or two called up when the inevitable ineffectiveness/ injury hits a starter early in the season. But I was much more excited to finally hear someone in the Pirates organization openly admit that Andrew McCutchen is close to big-league ready. Again, I don't think he is given much of a chance to make the opening day roster, but remember 2 years ago when he had a phenomenal spring and many in and around the franchise were claiming he could be up by mid-season 07? Yeah...so much for that. It seems like Cutch has been our top prospect forever, yet he just recently turned 22 years old. I think that, given the alarming lack of talent in the outfield, McCutchen will be all but forced into the bigs by the June or July when the team finally gives up on Nyjer Morgan as a everyday guy. To me this makes a world of sense, because he will be able to work out a lot of the kinks that typically plague rookies for these few months, and then should have an excellent footing established for the 2010 season. Not that any rational team would plan like this, but it would also enable the Pirates to get Jose Tabata time in Center Field in AAA, as he figures to be ready about a year after McCutchen, maybe slightly less.

A Good Old-Fashioned Notes Column

Lots of little things happening right now that have at least some relation to Pittsburgh sports, and since I didn't have any better ideas, I'm going to resort to the old-fashioned notes column, employed by lazy sportswriters the world over! And away we go...

-Not that I ever got to see him pitch, but it was surprising and certainly sad to see the passing of Dock Ellis in this morning's news. Of course, Ellis will always be known first and foremost as the guy who claimed to have thrown a no-hitter while on LSD, a truly zany sports story if there ever was one. Almost certainly because of moments like that, Ellis became a strong spokesman against drug use after his playing career ended, and certainly more than redeemed himself. Certainly the world lost a very powerful and positive presence yesterday.

-In other Pirates news, (YAWN) the team has shaken some things up in their minor league management. As always, the PBC Blog that Dejan Kovacevic runs on the Post-Gazette site has just about anything you could ask for if you really want the gory details. Typically I avoid reading too much background on these guys because it always make them sound like the second coming of Branch Rickey (if they are management) or Connie Mack (if they are field personnel), but if that's your kind of thing, go for it. The only thing that will matter to me is if these guys can get some tangible results out of the minors, and I don't mean seeing guys like Andrew McCutchen, Pedro Alvarez, and Jose Tabata make it, because they are both talented enough to do it on their own. I want to see them turn Neil Walker back around, help Shelby Ford and Jim Negrych continue their surprising developments, and work to develop the recent, promising additions to the organization, guys like Robbie Grossman, Jordy Mercer, Bryan Morris, etc.

-A big congrats is due to Paul Rhoads for his somewhat surprising hiring as the new head coach for Iowa State football. It was a very weird development that Rhoads, the former Pitt defensive coordinator who left the Panthers to go to Auburn for the same position this past season, will replace the guy, Gene Chizk, who just became the new head coach at Rhoads' now former employer, Auburn. Anyway, I know Rhoads has long been rumored for head coaching jobs, but I'm a little surprised his first job is as a head coach in the Big 12. Yikes! Good luck stopping those offenses, Paul. As much as I would like to see a former Pitt guy do well, I can't see this ending well for Paul. He was a wildly inconsistent defensive coordinator, leading me to coin the term "The Paul Rhoads special" for those games when, just as the defense looks as though it is coming together....BAM! They give up 48 points to Navy. He drove me nuts. Anyway, I don't see him having the gusto to turn around an Iowa State program that, quite frankly, is in shambles. I do think his involvement with their defense will pay off in the form of at least 1 big upset that no one sees coming, as he can put together a wildly impressive defensive game plan when you least expect it. Good luck Paul, I think you're going to need it.

-It seems like everyone is all sorts of fired up about the Steelers these days, and as I think I mentioned the other day, nothing makes me more nervous than that. Being the favorite, for whatever reason, just doesn't sit quite right with me, especially when it comes to the Steelers. I've been burned by too many AFC Championship losses I suppose. I have seen far too many people picking the Steelers over the Titans tomorrow, and that makes me equally uneasy. This Titans team didn't get here by being a pushover, and even without Haynesworth tomorrow, I'm still highly skeptical. I think tomorrow's ball game tells us a whole lot about our boys. Of course, I'll have a more in-depth preview posted tomorrow, so you'll have to wait until then.

-Bowl season is kicking off today, and I'm on the board with a 1 for 1 start thanks to Wake's very exciting come-from-behind W over Navy. Today's slate gives us three more games to look forward to, and there are few things more strangely enjoyable than watching a college game in a half-empty stadium in mid-December between two randomly thrown together squads. The BYU-Arizona game tonight in Las Vegas is a perfect example of that, yet that will be a pretty good game I think.

-Unfortunately, it looks like our Pitt football squad may soon be looking for yet another new defensive coordinator. The Trib is reporting that Phil Bennett has been contacted by some other schools (notably LSU) about their DC positions. That's upsetting if its true, because I thought Bennett did a very nice job this season with the defense after a sorta rocky start against those MAC schools, and the Paul Rhoads Special against Rutgers. Defensive Coordinator is a tough position to fill in college football, and I don't know that Pitt will be able to find someone as good as Bennett yet again, and the guess here is that the job would probably fall to current Pitt assistant Greg Gattuso, who many thought would get it last year. If that's the case, I expect Wanny to take on a greater role in the defense, as Gattuso doesn't have the clout of a Bennett or a Rhoads.

-It's a very busy weekend for all of our sports teams. Not only do the Steelers have the game of the weekend in the NFL tomorrow when they take on the Titans, Pitt hoops travels outside of Western PA all the way down to Tallahassee to take on Florida State tomorrow evening, a very athletic team that should give us a bit of a challenge even if they are not highly regarded, and the Penguins welcome the Maple Leafs into the Igloo this evening.

-Looks like Ryan Whitney will return Tuesday night against the Penguins South...I mean the Tampa Bay Lightning, who overpaid for several former Pens and are now regretting it. I am all sorts of pumped over that news, as I will be in attendance, which is great luck considering this is just the fourth game I've had tickets to all season. I'll report in with how Whitters looked, of course, and it will be interesting to see how he is handled in the first few weeks back. Expect him to be scratched a few times in the early going, as that can't be easy to skate daily on a surgically repaired foot. He is scheduled to be in Wilkes-Barre tonight for a 1 game rehab stint. Will be interesting to hear the reports on that one.
-The Pirates are just about set to sign Ryan Doumit to a contract extension that will lock him up through his arbitration-eligible years. I haven't been able to find any details about just how much this contract is for, so I will be very curious to see what the final figures are, as catchers who can hit like Doumit usually get more than they probably should because of the complete lack of hitting at the position across the board. Strangely, it appears zero progress was made in getting a deal done with Nate McLouth. I wonder if the Bucs are hesitant because of how flukish McLouth's numbers this past season look in comparison to his career. I'm not saying I don't believe in McLouth, because I definitely do, but I would be surprised to see him go over 20 home runs again (that power REALLY came out of nowhere), and I'm not sure where he fits in a good big league lineup, not that this is a relevant question for the 09 Pirates, because they figure to have a terrible big league lineup. I just don't think his OBP will be good enough to have a 1-2 spot in a contender's order, and certainly he's no ideal 3-4-5 guy, so I'd say he's a 6 hitter. And lastly, maybe the Pirates are also hesitant because they have McCutchen and Tabata on the cusp (probably June 09 arrival for Cutch and Opening Day 2010 for Tabata) and there's also a chance Pedro Alvarez ends up an outfielder as well. Or, maybe McLouth just wanted to see how this first year's process would go.

-Back tomorrow with a Steelers-Titans preview. Until then...

Congrats to McLouth

Just a quick impromptu post here, a big congrats goes out to our favorite Bucco, Nate McLouth on picking up a Gold Glove today. It was certainly a surprise to us to see that, and probably a surprise to the Pirates and to Nate himself. It was certainly a surprise to the sabermetricians, many of whom are not a fan of this pick. Two of the originals, Rob Neyer and Bill James, both use their voodoo statistics to show us how bad McLouth was this season in center.

While I do agree that Nate was really nothing special this season, at least defensively, and his range does leave something to be desired, it angers me that they can pull out some crazy statistic that claims McLouth was the fielder who ranked worst among all outfielders among their positional average. Whatever the hell that means. And, as someone who has taken a few stats courses, I know enough about statistics to know not to rely too heavily on any one of them unless you have a complete grasp of it. And since no one can seem to agree on one fielding stat that really sums everything up, I think it's ludicrous to just pull out the certain stats that claim McLouth is not that great.

I know that all of these guys want nothing more than to narrow everything in baseball down to one tell-all statistic, but I just think that sometimes we need to realize that seeing things with your eyes for 162 games works a lot better than a spreadsheet, and in this case, I can guarantee you that while McLouth may not be a legit Gold Glover, there is no way he is the worst fielder in baseball.

Live Blog of the Pitcherless Pirates

I'm pretty proud of this live blog of the Pirates, and hopefully I can do this kind of thing a little more often.

Hungover and bored, I was in the mood for an afternoon of watching the dreadful Pirates pitching staff go up against the Rockies in the cavernous (I love that word) Coors Field. What follows is a nice live blog of the matchup. Enjoy

3:00 We’re welcomed to Colorado by our friends Lanny Frattare and Bob Walk, the infinitely better choice over the other option of Greg Brown and Steve Blass who are the announcing equivalent of Nyquil. Good ol’ JR (my nickname for John Russell, an homage to the wrestling announcer) has shaken up the lineup quite a bit today, but we’ll get to that in a bit. With me this afternoon are my trusty assistants: a can of Coke, a jar of Tostitos Queso, and a bag of Snyder’s pretzels, needless to say, we are good to go.

3:05 Our first pitch is right on time, with a ball from Aaron Cook to our leadoff hitter… Luis Rivas? Huh? If the point of putting Jumpin’ Jack Flash in the 9 hole is to get more runners on base for the middle of the order hitters, how does it make sense to have non-table setters like Rivas at the top of the order. I’m puzzled. It’s a bold strategy Cotton, let’s see how it pays off for him.

3:08 Evidently the Rockies are under the woefully mistaken idea that Luis Rivas is, in fact, Rickey Henderson reincarnated. They’ve tried two pickoff throws, as well as the catcher jumping up at least once looking to throw to first.

3:09 Nate McLouth continues to be an offensive force with an RBI single to center after a Mientkiewicz walk and a Rivas infield single. Let’s see what the big boys (Bay and Nady) can do.

3:12 Walk and Frattare spend J-Bay’s entire at-bat discussing how he is a very tough guy to “double up” (meaning hit into a double play) and that he is the third toughest in the league at that (how is that a stat?) and, of course, since they jinxed the bejesus out of poor Jason, he promptly hits into a double play. Well done, gentlemen. Another run scores though, 2-0 Bucs.

3:14 Adam LaRoche, who evidently thinks that the months of April through June are just some sort of extended spring training, drills a double to bring Nady around, 3-0 Buccos.

3:19 Everyone hold your breath, we are about to witness a Pirates starting pitcher take the mound, which almost certainly means the other team will commence with batting practice immediately.

3:24 Pretty smooth first inning for the Duke, who really needs to add that “the” in front of his last name at all times. Infinitely more intimidating to face “The Duke” instead of Duke, isn’t it? Okay, yeah, maybe it’s just me.

3:26 Good ol’ JR’s genius of batting the pitcher 8th comes through yet again as Duke grounds out to start the inning. Nothing like starting off an inning off right, eh?

3:31 If only the Pirates could play in a division as putrid as the NL West. I mean, c’mon, there has to be something we can do about this right? That division sucks basically every year, and is the reason why people are convinced that the NL is the far inferior league. I mean, someone (looking directly at Rob Neyer) needs to do a statistical study so that we can appreciate just how difficult it is for a division winner to be sub- .500, because we could be headed there this season. Meanwhile the Pirates get to compete with really good teams in their division who go out and trade for aces like Sabathia and Harden, while the entire West Division works at rebuilding. Good lord.

3:36 Lanny and Bob make a few odd Batman references, none of which appear to have any reason behind them other then that they both apparently went to see The Dark Knight this weekend, and their exchange was capped off by this doozie:
Lanny: (after Duke strikes someone out) HOLY STRIKEOUT BATMAN!
Bob: (laughing uproariously).
Uhmm… I really don’t know how to react to that exchange. Horror? Uncomfortable laughter? Snarky comments? Let’s just move on.

3:37 The Pirates promo for the upcoming Astros series goes a little something like this (channeling deep, super serious T.V. announcer voice) “Houston you’ve got a problem! Catch the Pirates and the Astros Monday night on FSN!”
Again, I’m really not sure how to react here.

3:41 We’re cruising along here, through 2 ½ innings, the Bucs are still up 3-0. And the Duke has that thing going that you aren’t allowed to talk about.

3:45 Yikes, I feel like I’m watching America’s Funniest Home Videos right now. That’s right, the ump just took a foul tip right to the groin. Of course, even though both Lanny and Bob audibly groan when they see the replay, both claim it hits our poor ump in “the leg.” Riiiiiiiiiiiight.

3:48 Our AFLAC trivia question and a discussion of a new Pirates promotion known as “the Beer Passport” ties up our announcers for almost the entirety of the top of the fourth inning, to the point that unless the ball is hit into play, they don’t even address what is happening on the field. Not exactly Gus Johnson out there. By the way, the Beer Passport is nowhere near as good as it sounds.

3:51 If there was an Olympics for athletes who are the worst at things, I can all but guarantee that Raul Chavez would be the Gold Medalist in the 100 meter sprint. He just got thrown out at first on a slow roller that the third baseman took roughly 4 minutes to get to and then threw lazily to first. I’m pretty sure that my 86 year old grandma with 2 bad hips and who takes a solid 90-100 seconds to get up the 10 steps in our house would give Raul a run for his money. Ugh. Then again, he’s Michael Johnson compared to Ronny the Fat.

3:55 Lanny and Walky openly lament the lost no-hitter for the Duke, even though there’s only 1 out in the fourth inning and opponents bat roughly .390 against the Duke. But hey, 17 more outs and he’d have had that thing!

4:01 Uh-oh, the Duke is in some real trouble here, not only is the no-no gone, the shutout has been gone for a few minutes, and with a second run coming around for the Rocks, the complete game, and even the quality start are all now in jeopardy.

4:10 The pitcher in the 8-spot strategy works out to a T for good ol’ JR as Zach Duke rips a single to left field and Jack Wilson promptly follows up with an out and Luis Rivas hits into a double play. Something seems a little off here. Maybe the Duke should be leading off being that he appears to be a better table setter then those two options.

4:14 Clint Barmes drills a triple into the left center field gap, which is roughly the size of Central Park. I mean have you seen that thing? The guy hit the ball into the gap, and when the camera panned to follow, there wasn’t one outfielder in the picture for a few seconds. I thought maybe Bay and McLouth were chasing butterflies around the outfield or something. Someone may have to cut down the size of this outfield, it’s gotten a little ridiculous.

4:20 Okay, I think Zach Duke has been hung out to dry long enough. 5-3 Rox after a monster home run. Some expert analysis by Bob Walk here, “I wasn’t looking at the pitch on that one, but I’m guessing he didn’t put it in the right spot.” Well done, sir, well done.

4:21 Apparently JR has become numb to the atrocity that is Pirates pitching because he leaves Duke out there to face Matt Holliday, and you can probably guess where this is going… yup, a mammoth, titanic shot by Holliday and its 6-3, and yet STILL the Duke is out on the hill to face whoever the hell is up now. What more can he do to get yanked? Does he have to balk? How about hitting a few batters? Maybe back-to-back-to-back blasts.

4:23 Okay, I’m incredulous right now. The Duke walks the next batter and is STILL IN THE F-ING GAME! Not even a visit to the mound from pitching coach Jeff Andrews! Can someone please make sure John Russell is still conscious right now, please? Maybe the stress of being the skipper of a team with zero (0) big league starting pitchers finally gave that poor man a coronary.

4:25 The Duke strikes out the final batter for the third out, and let’s just hope that’s the last we see of the Duke.

4:26 Those 12 ounces of Coke and the 50 or so ounces of water I drank this morning to combat my hangover are catching up to me, back in a few.

4:30 Aaaaaaaaand we’re back.

4:31 The Duke is STILL out there! And then he gives up a double to Brad Hawpe that nearly leaves the building. AND HE’S STILL OUT THERE! He’s glancing over at the dugout between batters at this point, and is clearly debating whether or not to start screaming at the ump to get himself thrown out of the game, since clearly JR is trying out Zach for the role of batting practice pitcher, and isn’t yet sure if he’s terrible enough for the role.

4:34 Okay, three straight hits, two more runs, and it’s 8-3 Rockies! So help me god, if the Duke is still in there for the next hitter I’m turning the station and live blogging some abysmal Sunday afternoon cable movie.

4:35 Well, someone finally shook John Russell awake, and he pulls the Duke at long last. Damn. I was actually kind of looking forward to live blogging a random movie. In fact…

4:36 (Flipping through the TV channels)

4:37 Well the unbelievably awful Batman and Robin: Revenge of the BatNipples is on, but it’s almost over. Damn, I would truly enjoy live blogging this one. Let’s see what else we’ve got…

4:38 (Flipping through the TV channels)

4:39 Damn, nothing’s on. (Slowly flipping back to the Bucs game)

4:41 The Duke ends up getting charged with 9 runs in 5 innings. Yowza.

4:45 Well that was fun. Lanny was mid-sentence announcing the on-field action and randomly bursts into a fit of laughter. His reason/ explanation? “I’m sorry for that folks (still laughing) inside joke with our producer, I’m sorry (continues laughing) really (laughing) I’m sorry.” Clearly, his producer realizes that there is only one person left watching this game, so he’s opted to start telling dirty jokes into Lanny’s headset. I really can’t think of any other explanation. You know what, though? I’m a little upset. I want to know the dirty joke. Why can’t they tell their audience (consisting of me and 6 people who fell asleep watching the game) the dirty joke? It’s not like anyone is conscious enough to get offended.

4:47 Quick shot of Frankie Osoria (which is Spanish for Mike Williams) warming up in the bullpen. On a related note, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

4:52 I really need a nickname for Osoria that sums up just how strong my hatred is for him. I of course mean a clean nickname, something that can be used in everyday vernacular, as alliteration with his first name would give me some easy choices for him if I were looking for, ahem, unsavory nicknames.

4:59 I must say, for how awful the on-field ball club is, the new ads about the Pirates history and the Pride. Passion. Pittsburgh Pirates. slogan never fails to get me all sorts of fired up. Of course, then we return from commercial and the score is 9-3, and all that passion and pride immediately turns into embarrassment and loathing, not quite as good of a slogan, I suppose.

5:05 Turns out that it is actually very hard to stay focused on live blogging a gawd-awful team. I envisioned this being more fun, and for the first 60-90 minutes, I was enjoying myself. But we’ve just passed the two hour mark, and I’m struggling along, as Damaso Marte enters the game in the bottom of the eighth with the Succos down 9-3. You know the old joke about the easiest position in sports being the backup and third string quarterbacks on a football team? Well, where does being a closer for a horrific baseball team rank on that list? Pretty damn high, right? That’s Marte these days, who has a “so you guys are trading me, right?” look on his face right now.

5:11 Lanny just explained what hitting for the cycle consists of. Did that really just happen? Does he actually think that extremely casual baseball fans are watching this garbage right now? For the sake of baseball, I certainly hope not, as they will forever be turned off by the putrid display by the PBC out there this afternoon.

5:13 Evidently someone told Damaso there were scouts for contending teams in attendance today, as he’s hitting an almost unheard of 97 on the radar gun right now. Of course, those things are about as accurate as a Tom Gorzelanny full count pitch. (Not very).

5:14 Then again, maybe Damaso doesn’t know there are scouts in attendance as he’s given up a pair, and it’s 11-3! I’m reaching my wits end here.

5:15 Hey a hit batsmen! That’s always fun in a blowout as there is a serious staredown between Chris Iannetta and Marte.

5:16 Hey almost another hit batsmen! Fun for the whole family. I’m not gonna lie, a brawl would make this entire waste of an afternoon infinitely better. Come on… HIT HIM!

5:17 Okay, now I’m not so sure if Damaso is trying to hit this guy or not. I mean he is all over the place. And poor Brad Hawpe just glanced over to the dugout as if to say, “Hey skip, I’m a pretty good player and this pitcher is CLEARLY psychotic, you sure you don’t want to pinch hit for me?”

5:18 DAMN! Marte gets out of it without a brawl. Very upsetting.

5:22 Quite alarming stat here, after a 3 run first, the Pirates had exactly one (1) hit between the second and ninth inning until Douggie Mientkiewicz lashed a double just now. That one hit? Of course, it was by Zach Duke, a single that didn’t quite make up for the 40 or so hits he gave up.

5:23 Ugh. It looks like everyone’s least favorite pitcher, John VanBenschoten, gets the call tomorrow night. Why don’t we just forfeit and save our bullpen instead? JVB and the ERA that resembles Kobe Bryant’s PPG average will put in the usual 2-3 innings and give up nearly double digit runs, and the bullpen will scramble as always. Like I said, ugh.

5:28 The X-Man weakly grounds out to wrap it up. Thank God. So, what did we learn today? Well, for starters, that we have NO starters with any discernible talent. That Damaso Marte is either 1) a little bit crazy or 2) he has little to no control over his fastball. That the dreaded “Probable Starter: John VanBenschoten” line will make an appearance in tomorrow’s Post-Gazette. That FSN’s producers start whispering dirty jokes into the announcer’s headsets when they get bored in blow outs. And finally, that no matter how intimidating of a nickname The Duke may have, an 87 MPH fastball and breaking balls that don’t really break so much as they shift every so slightly still aren’t intimidating.

One last note: I hope to get the real website up and running in the next few weeks, and to bail on this blog for good. I will keep you posted. Until next time folks, it’s been real. It’s been fun. It’s been real fun.