Live Blog of Panthers- Cardinals

5:58 We are live from... our apartment in Oakland! All set to put together a live blog of the Pitt-Louisville basketball game that is slated to get under way in precisely two minutes. This game boasts the number one team in the nation (god I will never tire of saying that) matching up against the 20th ranked Louisville Cardinals in Louisville's Freedom Hall. The key players for our Panthers are, of course, DeJuan "The Windex Man" Blair, Sam I Am Young, and Levance Fields. For the Cards, its freshman star Samardo Samuels, Earl Clark, and 10th year senior Terrance Williams (just kidding of course, it only SEEMS like he's been there since the 80s.) Should be fun.

6:00 Soooo....yeah the Big Ten matchup of Illinois-Michigan State is going long. Its not enough that the Big Ten has to play awful basketball, they have to play slow awful basketball that forces the rest of us to inadvertantly watch them disgrace the James Naismith's game? Just appalling.

6:05 Evidently the tipoff has been delayed until 6:10 PM. Well okay then. By the way, I've seen youth league YMCA basketball games that were more interesting and better played than this atrocity of a game. There's still 3:56 left in this trainwreck.

6:11 ESPN is so appalled by having to broadcast this Big Eleven disaster with its 0.0 Nielsen rating that it briefly takes us to a split screen of Pitt-Ville where Ty Biggs drains a trey. Then they immediately switch back to Illinois-MSU. What a tease.

6:16 Panthers are up 9-2 right now and we are still suffering through this worthless Big Eleven game. I'm freaking out right now, I've seen more Big Eleven basketball today than I have in my entire life, and I understand why that is so. These teams would get debacled by Pitt.

6:18 Hey Michigan State finally F-Ing wins this game. ESPN can't cut the chord to that one fast enough. Ahhhh.... Big East basketball. Thank God. Of course they are at a media timeout. All 5 Pitt starters have scored we are told.

6:20 Superb! The wonderful Bill Raftery is calling the game alongside Sean McDonough and Fran Frischilla. This is a pretty good crew calling our game. "Send it in Jerome!"

6:21 Jermaine Dixon welcomes us to the game by nailing a 3. He is playing about 1,000 times better in the last couple games.

6:23 What happened to Edgar Sosa? Wasn't this guy supposed to be a really good player when he came here. I just looked up his stats and he has gotten worse statistically every year since he got to Louisville.

6:28 Edgar Sosa gets hacked going to the basket and falls away from the basket out of control and does a weird hug/dance thing with one of the refs. Kinda creepy. I don't think anyone knew what the hell to make out it. The Panthers are driving me crazy right now. Louisville is picking up steals and offensive boards all over the place right now. Despite a nice lead, I'm seeing a lot of the danger signs of sloppy first half play for the third game in a row.

6:36 Jermaine Dixon breathes on Terrence Williams the wrong way and gets called for a foul. This refs are calling a lot, a LOT of fouls right now. If this keeps us, there are going to be a fair amount of players on both teams in trouble.

6:40 Pitt has let the Ville back into this game, it's 23-17 as we head to a media timeout with 7:57 remaining. Too much sloppiness for Pitt after the red-hot start that no one actually saw. Ville is on a 10-3 run right now.

6:44 The refs appear to have wagered heavily, very heavily on Louisville, as Sam Young gets his second foul and is likely done for the half. Then, a Louisville player commits aggravated assault on Levance Fields and nothing gets called.

6:47 DeJuan Blair gets his second foul at the same time the ref's shirt gets untucked to reveal Cardinal Red underneath. What a bunch of B.S. Louisville takes their first lead of the game, but having 8 men on the court (including the refs) will do that.

6:50 After watching Gary McGhee play defense like he's missing a chromosome, I've determined Pitt would be better off playing with 4 men on the floor then with 4 and Mcghee.

6:55 Please God can Pitt learn to shoot free throws one of these F-ing years? Ashton Gibbs clanks two critical ones and Pitt is down 3 right now, 29-26.

6:58 Louisville is pwning Pitt on their offensive glass. I've never seen Pitt get shoved around like this on the glass. Of course DeJuan and Sammy haven't played in like an hour, so that might have something to do with it. I'd like to think we could at least hang with them though. I guess not.

7:03 And that's a half... Pitt surprisingly is up 32-30. If you had told me Sam and DeJuan would miss huge chunks of the first half with foul trouble I would not have expected to be up on Louisville at the half. So I'll take that, at least. Back for the second half.
SECOND HALF
7:20 We are back and the its good to see Sam and DeJuan back in the ball game. I'm nervous as to how the Cardinals are going to attack the foul-ridden Panthers. Biggs immediately picks up a foul, his 3rd, and this alarming stat is dropped on us: 6 PANTHERS HAD 2 FOULS AT HALFTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hey dumbass refs, I think you may be calling a shade too many fouls!

7:24 DeJuan Blair is making his presence felt right now. He picks up an offensive board and dunks it in traffic and then next possession down grabs another offensive board and gets a foul called against the Cards for a reach-in.

7:26 Panthers are on a mini-run, a 7-0 stretch capped by a Sam Young trey. The anouncers celebrate it by making a weird reference implying that they went out drinking with Bill Hillgrove and Dick Groat last night. Sounds like a grand old time.

7:31 Our first Sam Young shot fake of the evening. Man I was way off! I had 6:25 in the poll. Anyway it sets up a Jermaine Dixon trey, his third of the night. If Dixon can keep up the great work on threes he could turn into a real weapon and give them the one thing they are really lacking.

7:32 Crap. DeJuan picks up his 3rd foul on a silly reach-in. He heads to the bench. Gil comes back down the court on the next possession and picks up HIS third foul. Biggs, Blair, and Brown all have three now. Not good folks, not at all good.

7:35 Sam does a double ball/head fake. That's like the unicorn of Sam Young fakes. We just saw a truly special moment. of course he celebrates by turning the ball over almost immediately after.

7:36 Biggs is freaking OWNING the offensive glass. He is a tremendous inside role guy and continues to do his season-long impression of Chevy Troutman. Sam hits a banker after Biggsy gets those 2 offensive boards. 46-39 Panthers. Timeout Ville.

7:38 Okay this can't possibly be right, but ESPN is telling me that Tim Frye played in the first half of the game. Uhmm... What? The same Tim Frye who is the stereotypical short walk-on white guard who plays only in the final minute of blowouts? I mean I know Pitt was in foul trouble, but that can't be right can it? There's no way I could have missed that, right?

7:43 Sam makes a great steal but can't control as he is racing downcourt and tosses one to Dixon who tosses it to Fields who, clearly trying to look elsewhere for a fancy pass or something, lets it slip out of bounds. Bad job by Levance who sometimes will do things like that to drive you crazy. The Cardinals come down and score to make it 46-42.

7:44 Jermaine Dixon is having a spectacular day. he snatches a rebound, outlets to Levance who races upcourt and somehow Jermaine makes it all the way back up court and takes a bounce pass from Fields for a layup. This kid is turning into a legit offensive weapon all of a sudden, and I, for one, am stunned by his exponential upward progress. I guess he just needed to get comfortable or something, but he's been great. 48-42 Panthers

7:47 DeJuan Blair comes back in. I will be watching closely to see how Louisville attacks him and how he responds. Just as I type this, Sam makes an easy steal and puts in an absolute monster dunk on a breakaway. He walks menacingly away from the hoop looking like he's ready to run through a brick wall or something. The boy is fired up.

7:50 I haven't mentioned this yet, but Jamie Dixon is employing Brad Wanamaker in a point guard role to bring the ball up against the Louisville press. I'm not sure why exactly he's doing this, but he is doing a tremendous job at it.

7:51 DeJuan picks up his 4th on a ticky-tack 4th foul. It wasn't much of anything, but Blair took an unnecessary chance and paid the price. The kid still needs to learn.

7:53 All of a sudden Louisville is only down by a point as Pitt spends three straight defensive possessions crapping themselves and taking dumb shots on offense. I don't get how they can fall apart so quick when Blair comes out of the game like that. Grrr.... Pitt had a 10 point lead at one point. I had a feeling the Cards would work their way back into this sucker, but I didn't think that THIS would happen, especially so quickly.

7:55 Bill Raftery gives us what we wanted all day... a little parody for Sam Young's earlier dunk, shouting, "Send it in... Jerome!"

7:58 Blazing hot Jermaine Dixon drills a pair of free throws, Pitt is up by 3. He now has 18 points on the night. I have a done a total 180 on this kid in the past week or two.

8:01 A monster dunke for Louisville and this sucker is tied up. Yikes. We head into the last media timeout 58-58. They just showed the replay of the dunk and Gil Brown had an alarming petrified look on his face. Not what I want to see there Gil.

8:06 Levance Fields gets called for a foul that I think the Louisville fans made from the first row. Especially because the ref clearly signalled double foul at first and then pretended like he didn't. What f-ing garbage. Such a homer call. Cardinals are up because of this homerism.

8:08 Biggs makes a god-awful pass to Blair. Just a terrible idea. 19 turnovers for Pitt today as they are playing crazy sloppy right now.

8:11 Here we go, 1:07 to go in this puppy. It's gonna be a fight. 62-58 Cardinals right now.

8:12 Clark hits a monster shot as the shot clock expired. Not sure if its a 2 or 3, the refs are reviewing. I think its a 2 though. Yup it is. Shit. 64-58 Louisville. Pitt is hanging on by a thread, if that. The worst part is Clark hopping around like an idiot afterward. I hate that.

8:14 For some bizarre reason, after Louisville grabs a rebound after another missed 3 for Pitt, the Panthers take about 10 seconds to foul a Cardinal player. Just sloppy and not wanting it enough.

8:17 Truely bizarre, DeJuan Blair gets fouled as he goes to score and the bucket is good. Pitt down 66-62. Pitt may not have the best odds right now, but at least they still have some odds...

8:19 Louisville hits both free throws to go up 68-63. It's over now. Oh, and then Sam Young makes an awful inbound pass and Blair fouls out trying to get the ball back. Ugh.

8:22 Yup that's a wrap, 69-63 Cardinals. Pitt drops its first game of the season. I don't think I'll be doing another one of these anytime soon. Sorry Panthers for jinxing you guys. Still, it was a very good effort, and kind of a weird game filled with lots of runs and streaks. I'll be interested to see where we rank come Monday morning.

Live Bloggin Pens/ Flyers

1:06 Welcome to the Three River Sports Live Blog of our beloved Pittsburgh Penguins taking on the Filth-adelphia Cryers. The tensions are always high in these games, and we'll be watching closely to see if Sidney Crosby's personal declaration of war on the Flyers continues. Ever since that Derian Hatcher dirty hit knocked out some of Sid's teeth and made bleed all over the ice, Sid has been transformed against Philly into a one man wrecking crew. Sid has something in common with his landlord, Super Mario in that they both own NHL teams, all Mario's is financial ownership of the Pens, whereas Sid just flat out owns the Flyers on the ice. Should be a good one.

1:08 Marc Andre Fleury is still out, though he is in uni at least, as Dany Sabourin gets the start. Flyers win the faceoff and away we go.

1:10 With Sean Avery now out of the division, I think it's safe to say that Scott Hartnell is now my least favorite player and the guy that, if he suffered a career-ending injury tomorrow, I would be most excited about hearing. Just a dirty player with no real skill or ability whatsoever. Anyway, Geno takes a BS holding penalty. This already looks like a war in the making.

1:12 Looked like Mark Eaton was going to head to the box for firing one over the boards, but turns out just milliseconds before that, Joffrey Lupul held Jordan Staal. Not only do the Pens avoid being down 5 on 3 for a few seconds, they get a power play of almost 1:50. Good times! Let's see what they can do.

1:15 The Flyers PK outshoots the Penguins PP 2-zip. Not good times. And almost as soon as the Pens' power play ends, we have yet another penalty, this time on Matt Cooke for holding, as Jeff Carter started whining worse than Jim Boeheim after a Syracuse foul.

1:17 Joffrey Lupul puts the Flyers up 1-0 about 6 minutes into the first. A shot goes wide of Sabu, and for some reason he flopped down trying to make the save. Lupul grabbed it behind the net and stuffed it in. Paul Steigy is talking about the Flyers having a guy in the crease. Not sure about that one, and FSN of course doesn't show a replay after Steigy makes this statement to see if its true or not.

1:20 Okay yeah there was a guy in the paint for the Flyers that the official didn't call anything on. To be honest he didn't impede Sabourin at all though I don't think. Still, that's Cryers hockey for you.

1:23 Pens on the man advantage again. 4 penalties already, and of course the Flyers get another PK shot. Ridiculous. The Flyers are the most aggressive PK team I've ever seen I think. Logically that should mean the team on Power Play should be able to take advantage of this aggression, but that just doesn't seem to ever happen.

1:25 Jeff Taffe and Connor James both see time on the power play. Evidently the other 10 forwards all have food poisoning or something.

1:26 AHHH! Another penalty on the Pens. The Flyers special teams are superb. The Pens are a better 5 on 5 team, but I don't see how they can beat Philly in this kind of a game.

1:29 Good Lord, another Flyers goal, 2-0 Filth adelphia. Mike Knuble gets the goal after Mike Richards was given all kinds of time and space on an absolutely hideous PK effort by the Pens. This is my first Pens live blog, and if this keeps up it will be my last, too.

1:33 Hey it's another penalty, this time on the Flyers, though the way the Pens PP has played, I don't think it matters. And oh good! An interference call against Petr Sykora to even things up even though the refs blow two tripping penalties that should have been called on the Cryers. Nothing gets my blood pressure up to unhealthy levels like watching a poorly officiated hockey game.

1:39 The Flyers are just doing what they please in the offensive zone, getting things set up and moving the puck effectively. The Pens meanwhile are a hot mess when they get in the offensive zone, as the dump and chase has been their most effective tool thus far. Just hideous. Mikey Therrien is going to have some choice words at the intermission I think.

1:41 Ouch! A nasty looking hit on Ruslan Fedotenko, who got his head smashed into the boards. A moment later Fedotenko appears to be wide open on a breakaway but somehow ends up offside. Not his best shift.

1:43 End of the first period, I'll be back for the start of the second, 2-0 Flyers. The Pens need to change things up somewhere if they're going to get back into this one.

2:00 And we're back. The big intermission story was about sharpening the players' skates. Didn't take long for the well to run dry for Penguins stories at FSN.

2:04 Pens continue to be about as coordinated as diarrhea. I'm growing concerned here, as that offense just likes totally impotent right now.

2:06 Bob Errey makes a good point (imagine my surprise) about Dany Sabourin making plays on shots he doesn't have to because they are wide or high. This led to one of the Flyers earlier goals. They say its a potential confidence issue. Worth keeping an eye on.

2:09 Put on the board! J-Staal sneaks one behind Marty Biron for his 10th of the season! The Flyers lead is cut to 2-1. Tim Wallace, Ruslan Fedotenko and Alex Goligoski make that play happen for him as it started back at the other blue line and Rus and Golo both get assists on that one I believe. Wallace was as important as any there though and has faired pretty well in his 2 games since being called up.

2:12 Tim Wallace apparently comes from a long line of snow bowlers up in Anchorage Alaska. Good thing you're there Dan Potash.

2:16 CRAP! 3-1 Flyers, as Mike Richards reads a telegraphed play like he's Antonio Cromartie or something and takes it to the house on Sabu, who is having some issues out there it seems. That wasn't really his fault, though.

2:19 CRAP Part Two! 4-1 Flyers, and Scott F-Ing Hartnell scores for the Flyers. Nothing pisses me off as much as seeing that D-bag scoring a goal. This one is getting ugly.

2:25 Connor James takes a nasty spill in front of the Flyers net after being shoved down. What's more notable than yet another non-call from the refs (whose jerseys should probably be orange and black striped) is that there is little friskiness from the other Pens on the ice after this.

2:28 In a wildly transparent effort to get us fired up, Errey and Steigy spend a good deal of time ignoring the on-ice action and talking about the record-breaking pace of comeback wins this season in the NHL. Of course, this team looks half asleep right now and will need some kind of spark in order to get back in this game. So far they've shown little sign of a pulse.

2:30 Good lord another freaking Flyers goal, 5-1 now after Geno gives up a bad turnover and the rest of the Pens stand around staring as Mike Knuble rules in a pitiful shot past Dany Sabourin who is doing his best impersonation of the Dany Sabourin who gave up 4 goals in a period in his first ever game with the Pens.

2:33 In play typical of the most despicable city on the planet, a few Flyers knock Matt Cooke around with some cheap shots, the refs who apparently all wagered heavily on Philly today, call absolutely nothing and play continues even as a near fight is erupting in the corner. And, in typical fashion of the inhabitants of the 9th circle of hell, the Filth adelphia fans start chanting "Crosby sucks" as Sid comes over to help Matt Cooke while his useless teammates stand around doing nothing. Seriously what is going on with this Penguins team chemistry?

2:35 Mercifully, the period ends. I'm thinking we may see Marc-Andre Fleury in the third period. I mean why not at this point? Let him go out there and shake off some of the rust. And for some reason, Bob Errey thinks MAF has a shot at making the All-Star team even though he's third on his own team in Save % and is well behind Carey Price in the fan voting, because Errey is rooting for Flower to get into the game so he can get closer to qualifying for all-star play. Sometimes I wonder what goes on in that head of his. I'll be back for the third.

2:38 Uhmm...Dan Potash, why are you interviewing Scott Hartnell?!? Way to know your audience there FSN. The last person on the planet earth I want to hear from there is Scott Freaking Hartnell. The only way I would've wanted to see that interview is if Potash was setting Hartnell up for a sniper to pick off or something.

2:52 We're back here and ready for the third period. If the Cryers get up 6-1, I'm probably going to pull the plug on this thing, as I just really don't know if I have the heart to write about a blowout loss to our archrivals. We'll see. And by the way, for some reason, Marc-Andre Fleury is not in the game. I guess maybe they're still not 100% on him being able to play, but as Bob Errey points out, there shouldn't be any doubt about Fleury's health if they were willing to send Curry down today. I don't know, this seems like the ideal time, but they'll have 4 days until their next game to get Flower ready, so I guess that's enough for the Pens.

2:58 Pens don't have a shot in the first 6 minutes of the third period, and as Errey and Steigy have pointed out about 20 times in the last few minutes, our boys just look flat tired out there right now. They look ready for that nice break.

3:02 Seriously someone needs to take that Potash-talking-with-an-actual-Penguin commercial out back and shoot it. In fact we should probably do a similar thing with Potash himself. Can you tell I'm a little grumpy? Yeah.

3:04 Finally some heated moments. Mike Richards goes over to get in Matt Cooke's face about Cooke's earlier hit on Kimmo Timonen. Richards partically shat himself when he realized Cooke wanted to throw down and quickly looked around for backup. Sid came blistering over and jumped on top of some useless Flyers player. And of course, all the demon spawn sitting in the Wachovia Hell hole are chanting "Crosby sucks." We all know you're jealous that we have a once-in-a-generation Canadian talent who actually panned out, unlike Eric "The Human Concussion" Lindros. Seriously, how long before the city of Filth Adelphia is just walled up and forgotten about like New York is in that old "Escape from New York" movie? It needs to happen. Nothing even remotely useful comes from there.

3:09 HOLY CRAP! Eric Godard scored a freakin' goal! Just as I was about to call it day with this blog, Godard scores and allows me to say I was here for a truly historic moment. 5-2 Flyers now, and that is a pretty god awful moment for the Flyers team a whole. Godard might be the least offensively talented player in the NHL. And almost as importantly, Geno gets an assist to up his league leading total.

3:15 Looks like Russie Fedotenko may have been injured more than I thought on that earlier dirty hit. He hasn't returned to the lineup it turns out, which explains why Godard was playing with Geno.

3:18 Eric Godard and Scott Hartnell go toe to toe and Hartnell goes down in a hurry there, clearly wanting no part of Godard and instead turtles up almost instantly. Seriously Hartnell, grow a freaking pair.

3:20 As Errey points out, Godard is now an assist away from the Gordie Howe Hat Trick. Unfortunately, he got an additional 2 minutes onto his penalty and won't be returning unless the Pens pull off a miracle and take it to OT. Too bad.

3:21 Freakin Jeff Carter tips in a Lupul shot and it's 6-2 Filth Adelphia. Rough day for the Pens penalty kill and for Dany Sabourin. Let's hope thats the last of the day.

3:23 Tim Wallace nearly bats one in for a goal, but Marty Biron won't help a brother out. Too bad that would've been a cool thing to see, as Wallace is playing pretty well.

3:26 Well so much for Russie Fedotenko being out, he somehow snuck back in there and puts a goal on the board, 6-3 Flyers with less than 2 minutes to go. Jeff Taffe and Petr Sykora get the assists for the Pens.

3:28 And that will do it from the Wachovia Hellhole, 6-3 Filth adelphia Cryers top our beloved Pens. The Pens just look flat beat at this point and I'm sure will savor their next few days off as they try to climb out of this funk they've been in of late.

While today certainly didn't go as planned, here's a little reminder for us Pens fans of that little showdown from last spring:
I'll be at the Pitt game tonight folks and will give you an update tomorrow on what I saw from the team, and will have a preview of the Steelers and Baltimore Biridies up tomorrow as well.

Steelers Live Blog for MNF!

8:27 Here we go Steeler fanatics, my first live blog in my revival of the Three River Sports Blog. The game is just about to get underway, and I'll be coming at you with the Live Blog of my evening watching the game in my apartment with some of my thoughts and (hopefully) humorous anecdotes on tonight's festivities. The ESPN "Experts" pick slightly in favor of the Steelers, with 48 of their in-house panelists favoring the Steelers and 47 with the 'Skins. Just kidding of course, it was actually 4-3 Steelers but approximately 12 different people spoke on ESPN in some sort of panel fashion. I will never understand why they hire so many different people. Just baffling. Oh, and by the way, Chris Berman just reminded us for approximately the 59th time in the last half hour that his interviews with Barack Obama and John McCain will be airing at half-time.

8:32 Thankfully, we have a very solid crew doing our announcing. I truly enjoy the MNF booth of Tirico, Jaws, and Kornheiser. Tirico pointedly mentions that the NFC East has been a house of horrors for the Steelers, Kornheiser pointedly makes observations about Ben Roethlisberger being the breaking-the-mold guy from the traditional Steelers image, and Jaws pointedly mentions that Redskins blitz like no one's business and Ben could take another beating this evening. Just a very pointed start, apparently.

8:39 Say did you know that there is an election tomorrow? Apparently there is, as Kornheiser and Tirico have spent the vast majority of their pregame talk with weird little tidbits about elections from the past, a weird little history of the Redskins for the candidates, all while poor Jaws sat quietly. The wheels are hurtling off of a promising booth in a hurry. I'm not sure I'm prepared for 214 different Tony Kornheiser/ election jokes tonight. Guys, seriously, I have to get up at 8:00 AM tomorrow, can we get this thing moving? I was promised an 8:30 start.

8:41 Finally! Kickoff! And it's an onside kickoff? Uhmm... what the hell Mike Tomlin? Are we really in full-on desperation mode before the game even starts?

8:45 The defense does their job and only gives up 9 yards to force a 3 and out and a pu... oh wait that's right, we tried a friggin' onside kick and the Skins are in good enough field position to kick a field goal. 3-zip Washington. This one's squarely on you there, Tomlin.

8:49 Oh boy, Large Benjamin throws a pick after his pass at the line is batted, and Max Starks, apparently under the impression that the ball is an icky vegetable, does his best to avoid touching it, only to have it bounce off his clumsy self and get picked. Ugh.

8:51 The Steelers defense very, very quickly forces another three and out and a pu... whoops my bad again, this time the offense screws them as the Skins are already in field goal range a second time and take a 6-0 lead. This one's on you Large Benjamin and even Larger Max Starks

8:59 Critical third down for the Stillers, and a backbreaker of a sack on 'berger as the Skins bring the damn house and take down the Large One as he tried to escape pressure and ended up running right the hell into it.

9:02 Definitely no 3 and out for the Steelers D on this drive, as Portis goes off for 22 yards, apparently the longest run of the season against the Steelers D. I think everyone missed that damn tackle.

9:04 Two interesting headlines just ran by the bottom of my screen... hold on while I double check what I just saw. Yup, the Brownies are starting Brady Quinn this weekend. In a game that takes place in 3 days. So he gets short rest to start for the first time in his career. Nothing like putting your hopeful franchise QB in a position to potentially fail miserably. The other headline? Well it's a little deceiving. I could have sworn ESPN's crawl thingy said Matt Schaub had a torn MCL and will only miss 2-4 weeks, an annoucement that nearly made my jaw hit the floor, as those are usually season ending. However, ESPN's website says it's only an MCL injury and the 2-4 weeks injury number is correct. How about a little consistency folks?

9:07 As mentioned, for the first time all night, the Steelers don't force a 3 and out... and get their first punt of the evening. Seems like we may be in for a weird one. Let's see what the Big 'berger can do out there.

9:11 Two drops for Santonio already. I thought about a few different jokes here, but none could live up to the hype. Give me time, though, I'll get a good one before the night's up.

9:13 Mitch Berger's second gawd-awful punt of the night. Mike Tirico mentions that Mitch Berger has not one, but TWO injured hamstrings. Uhmmm....maybe we should have looked into getting a new punter for this week. I mean I have buddies that can kick it more than the 28 yards Berger just pooched out. Tony Kornheiser wisely points out that having two injured hamstrings means that Berger (not Big Ben 'berger, Mitch Berger) has 100% of his hamstrings injured. Good call.

9:19 Nate Washington drops a pass! Since when does that happen? Mitch Berger out to punt, and after Mike Tirico makes a "hamstrung" joke, Berger puts together a serviceable 40 yard punt. At least we're not losing yards on our punts this week.

9:24 We just had a Jason and James sandwich, with the Jameses Farrior and Harrison being the bread and Jason Campbell being our meat. Ouch.

9:25 Good news, Santonio Holmes hangs onto the ball, ending his dropsies streak of two balls and one dooby into the ash tray when the 5-0 showed up.

9:25 Okay, so that wasn't exactly a good Santonio joke. Don't worry, it's still coming. I have faith.

9:28 Yet another atrocious punt by Mitch Berger. I've got to believe that Jeff Reed could probably punt the ball further than this bum right now. Now, if the Steelers are at the Redskins 35 and need to pin the Skins at the goal line, Berger is their man. I mean they can just tell him to go in their and kick it as hard as possible and they should be good.

9:31 Large Benjamin's numbers thus far: 1/9 9 yards. I hope you're not relying on him for a W in fantasy this week.

9:40 You need a 3rd down conversion, you go to Hines Ward. I'm not sure how we (especially the coaches) haven't learned this yet. The guy is just downright tough and a real horse out there.

9:43 Strangely, the Redskins aren't fooled by Roethlisberger's 8 different pump fakes and as he tries to escape on a crucial third down... he gets sacked... again... despite having ample time... again. Still, Jeff Reed drills a field goal, and this sucker is 6-3 and the Steelers offense finally developed a pulse.

9:51 Ron Jaworski refers to Ben Roethlisberger only as "Ben" four times in about 20 seconds, a trend that has become increasingly common for announcers to drop our beloved number 7's last name. Not sure why or how this happened.

9:52 YIKES! Near pick for Ben, and Slick Willie (not sure if he's fast but he is Slick right now) rips off a nice little run and is having a nice night with 10 carries for 45 yards despite a little gimpiness when he walks off the field.

9:54 Remember what I said about going to Hines Ward on 3rd down? Yeahhhhhhhhhh, maybe that was a misprint as he gets absolutely lit up and drops a crucial third down pass. Mitch Berger is carted onto the field to punt and is carted back off.

9:56 HUGE SPECIAL TEAMS PLAY!!!! Andre Frazier storms in and blocks a punt as Mike "Miss Cleo" Tirico says the words "maybe we'll need to see a big special teams play" and Ike Taylor bumbles over it immediately after and William Gay ends up with it as the Steelers have a golden opportunity.

9;57 Sensing the importance of the moment, getting-smaller-by-the-moment Benjamin is promptly sacked as we head to 2 minute warning.

9:59 Okay here's a question for you: How are they still making Transporter movies? I have absolutely no recollection of the first one being released, I heard the second one was terrible and did rather mediocrely (is that a word?) at the box office. And can we officially end the Jason Statham as a leading man movement? Hey, I like the guy as a supporting badass (like in the Italian Job) but he's no star. And what's up with him always being involved in driving? Talk about a bizarre typecast. I half-expected him to be in the new The Fast and the Furious movie.

10:02 Direct quote from yours truly- "TOU-OHHHHHHHHhhhhh...." I thought Hinesy had it, but he was literally millimeters away, if not micrometers. Steelers should just have Ben fall forward on this one.

10:06 TOUCHDOWN!!! Ben uses his infamously large stature to surge into the end zone and just like that, despite a miserable start to the game, the Steelers are up 10-6 as we near the half, very encouraging last several minutes for a team that clearly got off to possibly the worst start that they could have imagined.

10:09 Okay folks we've reached the half and managed to set the game of football back 40 years in the process. I'm not blogging the half, as I need to focus both on this presidential interview nonsense and on some finance homework. Back in a bit.

10:23 Aaaaand we're back. Aaaand Mickey Tafoya is reporting that Ben is injured and is in the locker room getting X-rays and that Byron Leftwich will open the second half. Roethlisberger is infamous for exaggerating injuries on the field, but it's incredibly rare when he misses time due to injury, so you know this must be semi-serious. We'll see.

10:25 One other update: Not surprisingly, the halftime interviews were lame and pointless and told us absolutely nothing about the candidates except that they are both infinitely more intelligent then our current president.

10:26 Roethlisberger is bak on the side line, no helmet on or anything though. We'll see what happens....

10:27 The Dump Truck (Najeh Davenport, emphasis on the first word) enters the game and gets a 3rd and 1 conversion. Also, Heath Miller is injured. By the way, they tossed it to Tafoya for an update on Roethlisberger and she gave us nothing.

10:28 Byron Leftwich tosses a gorgeous pass to Nate Washington for 50 yards. Huge play for the Steelers.

10:29 Tafoya now reports that Ben's right shoulder is the injury and that he is questionable. He has the backwards cap on though, so I wouldn't hold my breath.

10:29 I hate to keep blogging so frequently, but Tony Kornheiser just made a vague reference to the Bengals being a Super Bowl contender prior the season. It's worth noting that this must be the most insane statement of the season.

10:31 TOUCHDOWN STEELERS!!!! Slick Willie Parker from a yard out. This guy looks real good today, and Byron does a real nice job managing things. And by the way, 'berger's shoulder is being held almost like it is in a sling. Not such a good sign.

10:32 Uhmm.... Jeff Reed just missed a PAT! Quick, sign Conor Lee!!! He never misses!

10:37 It's been open season on Jason Campbell tonight. LaMarr Woodley is absolutely untouched and obliterates poor Campbell for the Steelers' 5th sack of the night.

10:46 The one thing you've got to love about Tony Kornheiser: Just when you hear the subject of a mildly inappropriate joke being discussed, the Korn man comes through with the obligatory joke you'd make with your friends. Just delightful. In this case, it was Mike Singletary's struggle to stay fully clothed.

10:50 A pick by Deshea Townsend! Jason Campbell's first I-N-T of the season. Of course, Townsend promptly fumbles it, and while he does recover, a potential question (though I don't see the validity) is raised by Jaws as to whether or not it was a pick. We'll see.

10:52 Yep the Skins are going to challenge it. It really, really looks to me like Deshea Towsend has it. Jaws doesn't think so but Deshea does the old "football move" and I'd be stunned (and very pissed) if this sucker gets overturned.

10:55 Take THAT Jaws! Townsend's pick is upheld, Steeler ball! They could make things awfully tough on the skins with a nice long scoring drive here.

10:58 Michelle Tafoya claims to have a "source" that told her Ben felt his shoulder pop out in the first half. I wonder if this is the same soure that butchered Roethlisberger's injury report when NBC came to town and had all sorts of false injury info for Messrs. Michaels and MAdden.

11:00 Another nice third down conversion for the righty Leftwich, that's two in a row in this drive.

11:06 Tony Kornheiser makes another mention of the Steelers fans there, as if this somehow surprises him. Hey Tony, the Steelers fans travel better than anyone. Yet this is roughly his 30th reference of the evening.

11:08 Apparently Leftwich is a little banged up after getting lit up a few moments ago, but he's not leaving the field it appears. Nonetheless, Dennis Dixon is warming up. It'd be interesting to see him out there to see what he can do.

11:09 TOUCHDOWN!!!! Byron Leftwich to Santonio Holmes and the Steelers are on an absolute roll right now. Jeff Reed's PAT is good this time and it's 23-6 Steelers and they have now scored all 23 unanswered by the suddenly hapless Redskins.

11:17 James Farrior gets docked for the helmet-to-helmet hit on Jason Campbell and you can be darn sure that he will be having a little something deducted from his paycheck this week for that one.

11:23 Jason Campbell gets in for a touchdown, but call me skeptical. I think I'd challenge it, as it appeared as though he was pushed down before the goal line and stumbled into the end zone.

11:23 Yep, Tomlin challenges.

11:26 Yep, it's overturned

11:28 The Redskins are going to go for it here on fourth down from the 1 yard line and.... it's stopped! They tried a weird play action pass to... a defensive tackle??? What? Naturally when the game is on the line on offense you want to throw it to an awkward overweight defender with no experience catching the ball. That's right, ignore your steady and reliable tight end and your league leading running back to throw to a defensive tackle. That's the NFL in 2008 for you. Always overthinking things.

11:31 Woah Willie! Slick Willie nearly gets safetied in the end zone.

11:33 Mitch Berger's hamstrings collapse underneath him as he attempts to punt. I think someone needs to take poor Mitch out back and shoot him just to put the guy out of his misery.

11:37 On another fourth down, the Redskins bizarrely refuse to kick a field goal even though it would have gotten them within two scores and they could have tried the onside kick. Instead, they go for it, and Lawrence Timmons comes up with a big sack. And MAN is that guy fast. He runs like a defensive back, and is going to be one heck of a weapon when he finally takes Larry Foote's job.

11:44 Two minutes until we lock up that first NFC East W.

11:50 And that will do it from my apartment and from Washington. I hope you enjoyed our festivities this evening, and don't forget folks, it's imperative that you vote tomorrow.

Live Blog of the Pitcherless Pirates

I'm pretty proud of this live blog of the Pirates, and hopefully I can do this kind of thing a little more often.

Hungover and bored, I was in the mood for an afternoon of watching the dreadful Pirates pitching staff go up against the Rockies in the cavernous (I love that word) Coors Field. What follows is a nice live blog of the matchup. Enjoy

3:00 We’re welcomed to Colorado by our friends Lanny Frattare and Bob Walk, the infinitely better choice over the other option of Greg Brown and Steve Blass who are the announcing equivalent of Nyquil. Good ol’ JR (my nickname for John Russell, an homage to the wrestling announcer) has shaken up the lineup quite a bit today, but we’ll get to that in a bit. With me this afternoon are my trusty assistants: a can of Coke, a jar of Tostitos Queso, and a bag of Snyder’s pretzels, needless to say, we are good to go.

3:05 Our first pitch is right on time, with a ball from Aaron Cook to our leadoff hitter… Luis Rivas? Huh? If the point of putting Jumpin’ Jack Flash in the 9 hole is to get more runners on base for the middle of the order hitters, how does it make sense to have non-table setters like Rivas at the top of the order. I’m puzzled. It’s a bold strategy Cotton, let’s see how it pays off for him.

3:08 Evidently the Rockies are under the woefully mistaken idea that Luis Rivas is, in fact, Rickey Henderson reincarnated. They’ve tried two pickoff throws, as well as the catcher jumping up at least once looking to throw to first.

3:09 Nate McLouth continues to be an offensive force with an RBI single to center after a Mientkiewicz walk and a Rivas infield single. Let’s see what the big boys (Bay and Nady) can do.

3:12 Walk and Frattare spend J-Bay’s entire at-bat discussing how he is a very tough guy to “double up” (meaning hit into a double play) and that he is the third toughest in the league at that (how is that a stat?) and, of course, since they jinxed the bejesus out of poor Jason, he promptly hits into a double play. Well done, gentlemen. Another run scores though, 2-0 Bucs.

3:14 Adam LaRoche, who evidently thinks that the months of April through June are just some sort of extended spring training, drills a double to bring Nady around, 3-0 Buccos.

3:19 Everyone hold your breath, we are about to witness a Pirates starting pitcher take the mound, which almost certainly means the other team will commence with batting practice immediately.

3:24 Pretty smooth first inning for the Duke, who really needs to add that “the” in front of his last name at all times. Infinitely more intimidating to face “The Duke” instead of Duke, isn’t it? Okay, yeah, maybe it’s just me.

3:26 Good ol’ JR’s genius of batting the pitcher 8th comes through yet again as Duke grounds out to start the inning. Nothing like starting off an inning off right, eh?

3:31 If only the Pirates could play in a division as putrid as the NL West. I mean, c’mon, there has to be something we can do about this right? That division sucks basically every year, and is the reason why people are convinced that the NL is the far inferior league. I mean, someone (looking directly at Rob Neyer) needs to do a statistical study so that we can appreciate just how difficult it is for a division winner to be sub- .500, because we could be headed there this season. Meanwhile the Pirates get to compete with really good teams in their division who go out and trade for aces like Sabathia and Harden, while the entire West Division works at rebuilding. Good lord.

3:36 Lanny and Bob make a few odd Batman references, none of which appear to have any reason behind them other then that they both apparently went to see The Dark Knight this weekend, and their exchange was capped off by this doozie:
Lanny: (after Duke strikes someone out) HOLY STRIKEOUT BATMAN!
Bob: (laughing uproariously).
Uhmm… I really don’t know how to react to that exchange. Horror? Uncomfortable laughter? Snarky comments? Let’s just move on.

3:37 The Pirates promo for the upcoming Astros series goes a little something like this (channeling deep, super serious T.V. announcer voice) “Houston you’ve got a problem! Catch the Pirates and the Astros Monday night on FSN!”
Again, I’m really not sure how to react here.

3:41 We’re cruising along here, through 2 ½ innings, the Bucs are still up 3-0. And the Duke has that thing going that you aren’t allowed to talk about.

3:45 Yikes, I feel like I’m watching America’s Funniest Home Videos right now. That’s right, the ump just took a foul tip right to the groin. Of course, even though both Lanny and Bob audibly groan when they see the replay, both claim it hits our poor ump in “the leg.” Riiiiiiiiiiiight.

3:48 Our AFLAC trivia question and a discussion of a new Pirates promotion known as “the Beer Passport” ties up our announcers for almost the entirety of the top of the fourth inning, to the point that unless the ball is hit into play, they don’t even address what is happening on the field. Not exactly Gus Johnson out there. By the way, the Beer Passport is nowhere near as good as it sounds.

3:51 If there was an Olympics for athletes who are the worst at things, I can all but guarantee that Raul Chavez would be the Gold Medalist in the 100 meter sprint. He just got thrown out at first on a slow roller that the third baseman took roughly 4 minutes to get to and then threw lazily to first. I’m pretty sure that my 86 year old grandma with 2 bad hips and who takes a solid 90-100 seconds to get up the 10 steps in our house would give Raul a run for his money. Ugh. Then again, he’s Michael Johnson compared to Ronny the Fat.

3:55 Lanny and Walky openly lament the lost no-hitter for the Duke, even though there’s only 1 out in the fourth inning and opponents bat roughly .390 against the Duke. But hey, 17 more outs and he’d have had that thing!

4:01 Uh-oh, the Duke is in some real trouble here, not only is the no-no gone, the shutout has been gone for a few minutes, and with a second run coming around for the Rocks, the complete game, and even the quality start are all now in jeopardy.

4:10 The pitcher in the 8-spot strategy works out to a T for good ol’ JR as Zach Duke rips a single to left field and Jack Wilson promptly follows up with an out and Luis Rivas hits into a double play. Something seems a little off here. Maybe the Duke should be leading off being that he appears to be a better table setter then those two options.

4:14 Clint Barmes drills a triple into the left center field gap, which is roughly the size of Central Park. I mean have you seen that thing? The guy hit the ball into the gap, and when the camera panned to follow, there wasn’t one outfielder in the picture for a few seconds. I thought maybe Bay and McLouth were chasing butterflies around the outfield or something. Someone may have to cut down the size of this outfield, it’s gotten a little ridiculous.

4:20 Okay, I think Zach Duke has been hung out to dry long enough. 5-3 Rox after a monster home run. Some expert analysis by Bob Walk here, “I wasn’t looking at the pitch on that one, but I’m guessing he didn’t put it in the right spot.” Well done, sir, well done.

4:21 Apparently JR has become numb to the atrocity that is Pirates pitching because he leaves Duke out there to face Matt Holliday, and you can probably guess where this is going… yup, a mammoth, titanic shot by Holliday and its 6-3, and yet STILL the Duke is out on the hill to face whoever the hell is up now. What more can he do to get yanked? Does he have to balk? How about hitting a few batters? Maybe back-to-back-to-back blasts.

4:23 Okay, I’m incredulous right now. The Duke walks the next batter and is STILL IN THE F-ING GAME! Not even a visit to the mound from pitching coach Jeff Andrews! Can someone please make sure John Russell is still conscious right now, please? Maybe the stress of being the skipper of a team with zero (0) big league starting pitchers finally gave that poor man a coronary.

4:25 The Duke strikes out the final batter for the third out, and let’s just hope that’s the last we see of the Duke.

4:26 Those 12 ounces of Coke and the 50 or so ounces of water I drank this morning to combat my hangover are catching up to me, back in a few.

4:30 Aaaaaaaaand we’re back.

4:31 The Duke is STILL out there! And then he gives up a double to Brad Hawpe that nearly leaves the building. AND HE’S STILL OUT THERE! He’s glancing over at the dugout between batters at this point, and is clearly debating whether or not to start screaming at the ump to get himself thrown out of the game, since clearly JR is trying out Zach for the role of batting practice pitcher, and isn’t yet sure if he’s terrible enough for the role.

4:34 Okay, three straight hits, two more runs, and it’s 8-3 Rockies! So help me god, if the Duke is still in there for the next hitter I’m turning the station and live blogging some abysmal Sunday afternoon cable movie.

4:35 Well, someone finally shook John Russell awake, and he pulls the Duke at long last. Damn. I was actually kind of looking forward to live blogging a random movie. In fact…

4:36 (Flipping through the TV channels)

4:37 Well the unbelievably awful Batman and Robin: Revenge of the BatNipples is on, but it’s almost over. Damn, I would truly enjoy live blogging this one. Let’s see what else we’ve got…

4:38 (Flipping through the TV channels)

4:39 Damn, nothing’s on. (Slowly flipping back to the Bucs game)

4:41 The Duke ends up getting charged with 9 runs in 5 innings. Yowza.

4:45 Well that was fun. Lanny was mid-sentence announcing the on-field action and randomly bursts into a fit of laughter. His reason/ explanation? “I’m sorry for that folks (still laughing) inside joke with our producer, I’m sorry (continues laughing) really (laughing) I’m sorry.” Clearly, his producer realizes that there is only one person left watching this game, so he’s opted to start telling dirty jokes into Lanny’s headset. I really can’t think of any other explanation. You know what, though? I’m a little upset. I want to know the dirty joke. Why can’t they tell their audience (consisting of me and 6 people who fell asleep watching the game) the dirty joke? It’s not like anyone is conscious enough to get offended.

4:47 Quick shot of Frankie Osoria (which is Spanish for Mike Williams) warming up in the bullpen. On a related note, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

4:52 I really need a nickname for Osoria that sums up just how strong my hatred is for him. I of course mean a clean nickname, something that can be used in everyday vernacular, as alliteration with his first name would give me some easy choices for him if I were looking for, ahem, unsavory nicknames.

4:59 I must say, for how awful the on-field ball club is, the new ads about the Pirates history and the Pride. Passion. Pittsburgh Pirates. slogan never fails to get me all sorts of fired up. Of course, then we return from commercial and the score is 9-3, and all that passion and pride immediately turns into embarrassment and loathing, not quite as good of a slogan, I suppose.

5:05 Turns out that it is actually very hard to stay focused on live blogging a gawd-awful team. I envisioned this being more fun, and for the first 60-90 minutes, I was enjoying myself. But we’ve just passed the two hour mark, and I’m struggling along, as Damaso Marte enters the game in the bottom of the eighth with the Succos down 9-3. You know the old joke about the easiest position in sports being the backup and third string quarterbacks on a football team? Well, where does being a closer for a horrific baseball team rank on that list? Pretty damn high, right? That’s Marte these days, who has a “so you guys are trading me, right?” look on his face right now.

5:11 Lanny just explained what hitting for the cycle consists of. Did that really just happen? Does he actually think that extremely casual baseball fans are watching this garbage right now? For the sake of baseball, I certainly hope not, as they will forever be turned off by the putrid display by the PBC out there this afternoon.

5:13 Evidently someone told Damaso there were scouts for contending teams in attendance today, as he’s hitting an almost unheard of 97 on the radar gun right now. Of course, those things are about as accurate as a Tom Gorzelanny full count pitch. (Not very).

5:14 Then again, maybe Damaso doesn’t know there are scouts in attendance as he’s given up a pair, and it’s 11-3! I’m reaching my wits end here.

5:15 Hey a hit batsmen! That’s always fun in a blowout as there is a serious staredown between Chris Iannetta and Marte.

5:16 Hey almost another hit batsmen! Fun for the whole family. I’m not gonna lie, a brawl would make this entire waste of an afternoon infinitely better. Come on… HIT HIM!

5:17 Okay, now I’m not so sure if Damaso is trying to hit this guy or not. I mean he is all over the place. And poor Brad Hawpe just glanced over to the dugout as if to say, “Hey skip, I’m a pretty good player and this pitcher is CLEARLY psychotic, you sure you don’t want to pinch hit for me?”

5:18 DAMN! Marte gets out of it without a brawl. Very upsetting.

5:22 Quite alarming stat here, after a 3 run first, the Pirates had exactly one (1) hit between the second and ninth inning until Douggie Mientkiewicz lashed a double just now. That one hit? Of course, it was by Zach Duke, a single that didn’t quite make up for the 40 or so hits he gave up.

5:23 Ugh. It looks like everyone’s least favorite pitcher, John VanBenschoten, gets the call tomorrow night. Why don’t we just forfeit and save our bullpen instead? JVB and the ERA that resembles Kobe Bryant’s PPG average will put in the usual 2-3 innings and give up nearly double digit runs, and the bullpen will scramble as always. Like I said, ugh.

5:28 The X-Man weakly grounds out to wrap it up. Thank God. So, what did we learn today? Well, for starters, that we have NO starters with any discernible talent. That Damaso Marte is either 1) a little bit crazy or 2) he has little to no control over his fastball. That the dreaded “Probable Starter: John VanBenschoten” line will make an appearance in tomorrow’s Post-Gazette. That FSN’s producers start whispering dirty jokes into the announcer’s headsets when they get bored in blow outs. And finally, that no matter how intimidating of a nickname The Duke may have, an 87 MPH fastball and breaking balls that don’t really break so much as they shift every so slightly still aren’t intimidating.

One last note: I hope to get the real website up and running in the next few weeks, and to bail on this blog for good. I will keep you posted. Until next time folks, it’s been real. It’s been fun. It’s been real fun.